I know I normally write upbeat posts but today it's different.
Earlier on as I was taking my 4 year old to nursery everything was fine. We were joking around having a laugh and then it happened....a horrendous panic attack.
I felt my heart thud so hard in my chest, dizzy, sick and faint. I knew I had to get my breathing under control so I attempted to slow it down.
My poor boy looked at me as we turned for home and said "where are we going mummy, nursery is that way"
I could only reply "I have forgotten something"
He replied and this did make me laugh "oh silly Mummy. Daddy is right your memory is bad" How could you not laugh at that.!
When we got back home my breathing was awful, I struggled up the stairs to our flat but all I was worried about was my son being in the house safe. My husband was at the door waiting.
I ran into the bedroom, took my inhaler (yeah I have asthma too) just to calm my breathing a bit more and I started crying.
Looking at my son who was heartbroken that he was missing nursery made me feel so horrible, guilty, useless and the worst mum in the world.
I have made a decision. I am going back to my doctor and I am going to start taking medication. It's not ideal I wont like I honestly hate the idea of medication I really do BUT I need to do this and not for me....for my children!
Tomorrow is another day.
No comments:
Post a Comment