Look at me posing for a photo at Tebay services at 2am like I have not a care in the world. At that point I didn't but when we got home from that London trip, reality hit hard.
That was a wild weekend! Left the Friday night at 9pm and we were home by 4pm on the Sunday. I always said there was no way I could do something like that at my age, but I did and I absolutely did not act my age at all the whole weekend. I danced on the way to the bus stop just to embarass my daughter, mission accomplished/. Took selfies and had a blast at the show. Yes my daughter was utterly mortified when I danced to the last few songs (we had to sit as soooo high up)
After getting home on the Sunday and the excitement gone, it was back to reality and it isn't one that I like.
The last 6 weeks have been full of tears, confusion and a lot of self-hate. While I may be my old self mentally, physically I am not, and that is what hurts. A friend had me make a list of what I love and hate about myself and I am going to share it here.
Love
my eyes
my hair
my nose
Hate
chin
being saggy
massive stomach
overhang
teeth
no energy to exercise
being so emotiona;
This is me the night of the concert. I love the outfit I chose and I liked it on me when I tried it on at home but I hated how it looked that night. All I can see is everything that is wrong with me.
There are other things I hate about myself but they are not physical or pscyhological, they are things that I have done in my past that I would love to experience again. Performing on stage being the big one.
I accept getting older, I dont care about grey hairs and wrinkles, its the things I mentioned above that destroy me. For the first time in years I have felt like the old me, but as soon as I look in the mirror, the old me vanishes and all I see is a shell of who I used to be
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