Kevin became an accredited Solution Focused Hypnotherapist in 2021 after training with the prestigious Clifton Practice. Since then, he has been helping adults across the globe manage issues rooted in anxiety – issues as diverse as hair pulling, stress induced eczema outbursts and binge eating/drinking. But Hypnotherapy is not only for the things we don’t want in our lives, Kevin is ideally placed to support your strategic personal development with his customisable Hypnotherapy for Wellbeing / Personal Development programs. Kevin can be found here: Perma hypnotherapy Edinburgh. Ready to be your best self? . Ready to be your best self? and welcomes your enquiries.
So, What are Limiting Beliefs?
Have you ever felt trapped by your own thoughts, unable to break free from negative patterns?
Imagine if you could learn 5 powerful reframing techniques to overcome your limiting beliefs, transforming your mindset for greater personal growth and mental health. This article will show you how.
Albert Ellis, a pioneering figure in psychology, is renowned for founding Rational Emotive Behavioural Therapy (REBT). Developed in the 1960’s, this therapeutic approach, focuses on identifying and changing irrational beliefs that lead to emotional and behavioural issues. This article explores Ellis's groundbreaking work which laid the foundation for cognitive-behavioural therapies (CBT) and has had a profound impact on the treatment of various psychological conditions.
When we reframe our beliefs, we change our reality.
Central to REBT is the understanding that our thoughts, more than external events, shape our emotional responses and behaviours. Ellis identified a set of common limiting beliefs that many individuals hold, which often contribute to unnecessary distress and hinder personal growth. These limiting beliefs, though varied, typically share a common theme: they are rigid, unrealistic, and self-defeating.
A limiting belief is a self-imposed thought or idea that restricts a person's potential by creating a mental barrier to achieving goals and personal growth. These beliefs, often rooted in early life experiences and societal conditioning, are typically irrational, rigid, and self-defeating, leading to unnecessary distress and hindering personal development.
For instance, beliefs such as "I need everyone I know to approve of me," "I must avoid being disliked from any source," and "To be a valuable person, I must succeed in everything I do" exemplify the kinds of irrational thoughts that REBT aims to address. These beliefs often stem from early life experiences and societal conditioning, leading individuals to develop patterns of thinking that can be detrimental to their mental health. In the main body of this article, I will provide a series of reframes for each of these limiting beliefs.
What Actually is Reframing?
Reframing involves changing the way we perceive a situation, event, or behaviour to alter its meaning and thus change our emotional response and subsequent behaviour. It is a powerful technique used to help people develop more resourceful and positive mindsets. There are five different types of reframe summarised here. The resultant reframes are suggestions designed to help you develop a more flexible and resilient mindset, ultimately leading to greater emotional well-being and personal empowerment. Reflect on them. Modify them to best suit yourself and your circumstances.
By reading this article, you will learn practical strategies for identifying and reframing common limiting beliefs, enabling you to achieve greater personal and professional success.
The author, Kevin Whitelaw, is an accredited Solution Focused Hypnotherapist who helps adults across the globe become their best selves. He can be found here:
Ready to be your best self?
How Can We Reframe?
There are 5 main approaches to reframing:
Context Reframing: Changing the context of a behaviour to give it a different meaning. For example, what may seem like a stubborn attitude can be reframed as determination when placed in a different context.
Content Reframing: Changing the meaning of a situation by altering its interpretation. For instance, viewing a failure not as a setback but as a learning opportunity.
Positive Reframing: Highlighting the positive aspects or potential benefits in a seemingly negative situation. For example, seeing the end of a relationship as an opportunity for personal growth and new beginnings.
Empowering Beliefs: Using reframing to replace limiting beliefs with empowering ones, thus enabling individuals to approach challenges with a more positive and proactive mindset.
Perspective Shift: Encouraging individuals to view a situation from a different perspective, which can often lead to new insights and solutions.
Limiting Beliefs reframed
Each of Ellis’s 14 limiting beliefs will be stated and then reframed with each of the types of reframes. Reflect on which limiting beliefs resonate with you most, and which reframes are most useful to you. Use them as a starting point. Create your own reframes to suit you best. Explore – and play – with your thoughts. At the end of the article I’ll share a powerful structure you can use to consolidate your reflections.
I need everyone I know to approve of me
These re-frames shift the focus from needing approval to valuing authenticity, self-worth, and meaningful connections.
Seeking approval from everyone can lead to inconsistency. Making my own decisions based on my values demonstrates my authenticity.
Now, as an adult, I choose genuine connection with those I respect rather than approval from everyone.
I prioritise building meaningful connections with people I value over a wide range of superficial acquaintances.
I value the self-approval that comes from living authentically over external approval by pleasing others.
I recognise that others are more likely to value me when I stand by my principles rather than when I seek external approval.
I must avoid being disliked from any source
These re-frames aim to shift the focus from avoiding being disliked to valuing authenticity, resilience, and meaningful connections.
Prioritising personal authenticity – which may mean making tough decisions - over universal likability leads to deeper, more genuine connections.
Dislike being expressed gives feedback that I’m behaving authentically among those with different values – and probably that I have the edge.
That I care about being liked shows I value mutually beneficial relationships. Now, how can I connect with whom to achieve this.
I choose to prioritise my self-worth (how I perceive myself) over my self-esteem (how I perceive others value me.)
Pleasing everyone else all the time is exhausting and leaves no time or energy for me. Instead, I’ll devote my energy to being the real me.
To be a valuable person, I must succeed in everything I do
These re-frames aim to shift the focus from an all-or-nothing view of success to recognising the inherent value in personal qualities, efforts, and growth experiences.
The process of experimenting learning and refining drives innovation and personal development. The real value lies in the process, not just the outcomes.
Rather than passively accepting someone else’s definition of success, I know what is right for me and I’m working on it.
My drive to succeed shows my ambition and work ethic. By applying this to developing my capabilities and living authentically, I am succeeding on my own terms.
My values sit at the core of who I am and guide my life. My achievements are a product of my values, not the other way around.
Consider how you would advise a close friend. Perhaps encouraging them to reflect on their values rather than success on other people’s terms.
It is not OK for me to make mistakes. If I do, I am bad
These re-frames aim to shift the focus from a fear of making mistakes to understanding their role in learning, growth, and personal development.
Unintended – even undesirable – outcomes can throw up a wealth of experience and learning: possibly more valuable in the long term than the desired outcome.
What if you changed the narrative from "making mistakes means I am bad" to "making mistakes means I am making efforts to improve and learning along the way.’
That I am concerned about making mistakes shows I care about my relations with others: how can I capitalise on that?
My self-worth is determined more by my character and my efforts than superficial indicators of success.
Aren’t mistakes just part of everyday life? Your friends make mistakes – does that make them bad?
People should strive to ensure I am happy. Always!
These re-frames aim to shift the focus from expecting others to ensure your happiness to understanding the importance of personal responsibility, mutual support, and internal fulfilment in achieving happiness.
Now that I am an adult, I recognise that I have my own agency: my life is mine to live.
While others can support me in my life, if they choose, responsibility for my life is mine.
Doesn’t everyone want to be happy? – Isn’t my happiness too important to place in others’ hands?
Because genuine contentment comes from within, I can take ownership – which means I accept the responsibility.
Is it fair for others to expect you to accept responsibility for their happiness?
People who do not make me happy should be punished
These re-frames aim to shift the focus from punishing others for your happiness to fostering empathy, personal responsibility, and constructive communication for building healthier and more fulfilling relationships.
Do I exist only for others’ purposes? – do they only exist for mine?
I prefer to align myself with others who share my values and seek mutually supportive relationships.
What unmet needs do I have that I’m looking for others to meet?
While others have an influence, my happiness is my responsibility.
My engagement with others is give and take – not just give or take.
Things must work out the way I want them to work out
These re-frames aim to shift the focus from rigid expectations to embracing flexibility, adaptability, and the valuable lessons that come from unexpected outcomes.
Unexpected developments often lead to new opportunities and better solutions.
It’s OK for things to change along the way.
My desire for things to work out as planned shows I have a plan. It is OK for things to change as time moves on.
Flexibility is a strength, not a weakness. Being able to adapt to changing circumstances is key.
How do I perceive others who take a ‘my way or the highway’. Wouldn’t they perceive me the same way?
My emotions are illnesses that I’m powerless to control
These re-frames aim to shift the focus from feeling powerless and viewing emotions as illnesses to understanding emotions as natural, manageable parts of the human experience, empowering you to take control and seek constructive ways to handle them.
Emotions are responses to complex sets of stimuli. They provide insight into my needs and desires.
Some of my emotions are unpleasant. This is to tell me to address the underlying issues.
That I recognise my emotions demonstrates that I’m in touch with myself. How can I best use this strength?
My emotions are my internal advisors – I can choose how to respond to them.
Rather than denying them, accepting, and acting on my emotions is opening-up a world of potential.
I can feel happy in life without contributing back in some way
These re-frames aim to shift the focus from viewing happiness as independent of contribution to recognizing the profound and enriching effects that contributing back can have on both your personal happiness and the well-being of others.
Life progresses from being a dependent child, to an independent young adult to an inter-dependent mature adult. What will I do to progress along this continuum?
Contributing to others and society more broadly leaves a legacy. What legacy do I choose to create?
Personal contentment is a foundation for resilience. How can I apply / channel this strength to acts of kindness to positively influence those around me?
Sustainable happiness is multi-faceted and includes elements of connection, purpose, and contribution. By contributing back, you enrich your own life while also enhancing the well-being of those around you.
What shall I contribute to those around me and society more broadly?
Everyone needs to rely on someone stronger than themselves
These re-frames aim to shift the focus from seeing reliance as a need for someone stronger to recognising the value of mutual support, collaboration, and the recognition of diverse strengths within relationships.
I have a unique set of skills and knowledge, as do others. Rather than focus on a one-way reliance, I seek to develop inter-dependent collaborations.
Not having the required skills or knowledge to progress with something provides an opportunity to develop further connections with others.
Shifting from reliance to partnership helps develop healthier and more productive relationships.
Knowledge speaks, wisdom listens. Understanding when, how and who to ask for help is a powerful skill that contributes to personal and collective growth.
Consider how flattered you felt the last time someone asked for your advice. By asking others their opinion, you offer them that same feeling.
Events in my past are the root of my attitude & behaviour today
These re-frames aim to shift the focus from feeling controlled by past events to recognising your power to choose and shape your attitudes and behaviours in the present and future.
Past events do influence my present. In the same way, present events will influence my future: providing the opportunity to take action today to build the future I choose.
While events do have an influence, I have self-awareness, imagination, a conscience, and a degree of free-will. These provide me with the capability to choose how I respond to events rather than being controlled by them.
When I shift my perspective from seeing setbacks as stumbling blocks to stepping stones, my world changes.
Reflecting on the influence of the past demonstrates a high level of self-awareness and offers the potential for deep learning.
The future is uncertain – and negotiable.
My future outcomes will be the same as my past outcomes
These re-frames aim to shift the focus from a deterministic view of the future to one that recognizes the power of growth, change, and proactive decision-making in shaping different and more positive outcomes.
Future outcomes depend on the decisions and actions I take today.
My past has provided me with the insights to build a better future.
That I am reflecting on my past outcomes shows I am learning and growing. Where this takes me is up to me.
My future is determined by me present actions rather than past events.
What is the most effective thing I could be doing right now to build the future I choose for myself?
I shouldn’t have to feel sadness, discomfort and pain
These re-frames aim to shift the focus from avoiding negative emotions to understanding their role in personal growth, resilience, empathy, and the overall richness of the human experience.
If sadness is an indicator of having lost something valuable, what is this telling me and what action will I take based on this insight?
The so-called negative emotions are unpleasant to make me take action to resolve the causes rather than try to eliminate them artificially.
Wellbeing incorporates the ability to embrace all my emotions and learn from them.
A life without the natural sadnesses which arise is likely to be shallow and inauthentic.
It is not the events that cause pain. Rather, it is how I respond to them
Someone, somewhere, should take responsibility for me
These re-frames aim to shift the focus from dependency on others to recognising and embracing your own ability to take responsibility for your life, leading to greater independence, confidence, and personal fulfilment.
Taking responsibility for myself is empowering and serve to build my self-worth. When you take control of your own life, you gain independence and the ability to shape your own future.
Taking responsibility provides me with the opportunity to take control, therefore build the life I choose.
A key element of taking responsibility for myself is connecting with others who can support, help, and advise.
As I take responsibility, so I develop my sense of agency: recognising what I can influence and how I choose to do so.
What differences do I recognise between those who take responsibility for their own lives and those who don’t?
Wrapping it all Up
Some of the above limiting beliefs will have resonated with you more than others – likewise their respective reframes. You may have many reflections, maybe just a few. Maybe you will return to this in the coming days.
To help consolidate your reflections consider the following structure and start building your own reframes:
Now that I understand [what is your insight?], I choose to [what action will you take in response to your new insight?] because [what is your reasoning for taking this action] so that I will [what is your chosen outcome(s) from taking this action?]
I would love to hear your thoughts, reflections and reframes. Please share in the comments and I’ll look forward to reading.
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