Depression - A guest post by Felix Robino

Depression is something I take very seriously, and have done since I first suffered with it back in 2008 when I was 14. Back then I didn't know how to deal with it, I’d cry myself to sleep and worry about making sure nobody found out among everything else. After a month or two of getting used to living with depression, I’d started self-harming; first my wrists, then when this was almost noticeable to others I’d move onto my legs, my sides, places that wouldn't be seen. It was what they done in the movies, right? They’d be depressed and the cutting would help. So I did. For a small time it did help, I’d be focusing on making sure nobody saw the scars rather than the actual depression, which seemed to have taken a back seat.

The two years following this were hell – Nobody knew how bad it was, I’d be skipping school, faking illnesses and most nights crying myself to sleep. What bothered me most was that I didn't know why I was depressed; okay I hadn't had the best childhood, being brought up in a broken family, but why would that make me feel bad? My mother and sister were happy, supportive, people who loved me very much and whom I loved. So what was causing the depression?

When I was nearing 17 years old, I realised I was bisexual. This affected the depression because I’d worry about people finding out and how they’d react. Gay people in films and in the news would be portrayed as unequal, the lowest class of society. Fantastic, I was something people were ashamed to be around. The depression got worse, something I didn't think would happen. Something I didn't think could happen. A few months later when a close friend accidentally noticed the scars on my wrist, he sat me down and asked me if I was okay. I burst into tears, sobbed hysterically and unloaded near three years’ worth of things I had held in.

It turned out my friend was depressed too, he was seeing a counsellor and on medication, and recommended I did the same. I’d heard about counsellors, and I knew what they were, but by the time I’d been old enough to see one without parental consent, I’d grown too accustomed to bottling things up.
I saw the college counsellor the next day. After only a few sessions I was feeling a little better, finally. When I turned 18 I was put on medication, and slowly but surely the depression was easing into something manageable.

Now? I’m 20 years old, studying psychology at a fantastic university, and my special interests are depression, other mental disorders, and learning disabilities such as dyslexia. My goal In life is to research these areas in hopes to find new treatments, better treatments, and hopefully in doing so make the world a little friendlier to those who suffer. Should that fail, I’d like to become a counsellor, pay back and pay forward the goodness that I had received.

If I could say one thing to 14 year old me, or the me I was at my worst, it would be this: Don’t suffer alone. Even telling one person will lighten the load, and could open doors to all sorts of treatments and opportunities to get better. My advice to others would be to seek professional help, as long as it is safe to do so. Of course, I still have depression, but with medication and someone to talk to, it barely phases me now. There are still some nights that are bad, and some days I don’t do much, but compared to what I was like 6 years ago, it’s a vast improvement.

I really would encourage those who can get help, to do so. No one should suffer alone!

To see more wonderful posts from Felix Robino you can visit his  blog at http://thepsychologystudent.wordpress.com/

facebook https://www.facebook.com/thepsychstudent

Twitter - @PsychStudentThe

Positive step

Today my husband, children and I had been due to go for a day out.  Last night I built myself up to go, reminding myself I would be fine, it would be fun and the children would love it and have fun.  The trip was cancelled due to other circumstances, nothing to do with my anxiety for a change!!

When I realised we were not going my anxiety started to creep in. I would not let it get the better of me today!!  We got ready and took the kids to the local shopping centre, met with my mum and sister and me and the kids sat in my mums car talking and having a laugh whilst my husband got the shopping.

Afterwards we cam home and got the dinner ready.  We then had a surprise visit from some family members which was great for my wee monsters as they go to see their cousin.

Not long after they left I suggested we took the kids out for a while since it was still light and warm enough. We took the ball with us and all had fun playing football, picking flowers and seeing who could throw the ball the highest,

Yes at times I felt anxious but I did not let an attack happen.

Angela 1 - 0 Anxiety

No More Bullying

We all know someone who has been affected by bullying. I have experienced it myself when I was in Primary 6 and also in first year at high school.  It hurt at the time, it was mainly name calling, but looking back I understand why they done it. They were immature, had confidence problems so they felt the need to pick on me to make them feel better. I bet that never worked though,

Bullying doesn't just happen in school. It can happen at college, at home and at work.

A friend of mine, Michelle Clark, has started a No More Bullying Facebook page to offer support and guidance. It is also there to educate and raise awareness.

Please visit the page at https://www.facebook.com/StopItHappening

FACT FILE: Agoraphobia

Many people think Agoraphobia is a fear of open spaces, this is not strictly true.  In fact many people who have the condition are scared to go to the shops, be in large crowds, use public transport and even be scared to leave home. It is very complex condition which has symptoms similar to those who have generalised anxiety disorder.

• Heart rate increases                                                                  
• upset stomach
• hyperventilating
• dizziness
• feeling warm
• feeling sick
• trembling 

Alongside the physical symptoms the person may worry that people will notice if they have a panic attack, that he panic attack will be fatal, that people will stop and stare.  This is not the case, in fact, the only person who will know what is happening is yourself. Shopping centres and public places in general are full of people who looks flustered and stressed as they rush around trying to get things done.

They may behave differently, not wanting to go too far from home, if they leave home at all, wanting someone with them when they go out, not visiting busy places, ordering their shopping online or relying on others to get it for them.  This is known as avoidance.

If you think this is you visit your GP.

There are many different ways to help you and your GP will help find the best way for you.

Treatments include

• Self Help Groups
• Counselling 
• Medication

Your GP may encourage you to try some self help techniques. These are similar to the ones used in Anxiety disorders.

• Stay in the situation - anxiety peaks then falls again
• breathing - there are many great breathing techniques to try
• Do not fight an attack - this will only make it worse, its not nice but its not harmful
• understand your condition. Look into it, it really helps honestly 
• Set yourself challenges - Stand outside your home for 5 minutes yourself, then build on time and distance,

I hope you have found this helpful. Please make an appointment for you or a loved one, if you think you or they have this condition.

Help is out there. You are not alone xx

Recent interview

A few days ago I done an interview for a local news website.  I felt it was time to tell my story in order to raise awareness and get the point of educating people in mental health issues across.

Seeing myself online like that was strange at first but I have never worried about what people think, why should I?

You can read the interview here.

http://news.cumbernauld-media.com/news/health/1106-cumbernauld-mum-launches-blog-to-raise-awareness-of-anxiety

feel free to let me know what you think xx

Need to be sorted by November

My husband James is going to London for the weekend in November. I won't deny that I am not looking forward to it.

I worry I wont be 100% by then and I know I have to be as it will be just me and our two little monsters. So the race is on to kick anxiety's backside once more so my husband can enjoy his time away.

James is going to see his beloved Dallas Cowboys at Wembley. He is going with his brother.

I made the mistake of getting excited as I was asked if I wanted to go BUT turns out I am only a back up if his brother can't go.

Now this was not down to my husband or my brother in law it was someone else and NO it was not me.

This is one of the many things that has knocked my confidence and added to the list of things I am anxious about.

People have said "Why not all go and take the kids with you"

First of all my son is only 4 and daughter 2 and I would not take them to London that young. Lastly my son has school on the Monday which would be the day we travelled back.

I am happy for James as it's been a dream of his for so long to see Dallas play but I can't help but feel upset.

No doubt I am being selfish.

A letter to my husband.

Dear James

I am writing this to make things easier for you to understand. I know how hard all of this has been on you even though it seems like I am being selfish and only thinking about me,  That is not the case trust me.

Every day I wake up and feel nothing but guilt that I am putting you and the kids through this. I think to myself  what effect is this having on the kids? How does James really feel? What if my kids end up mad like me?

I cry myself to sleep a lot, when I go for those naps in the afternoon its not just because I am tired, sleep gives me an escape from the guilt I feel.

We have sat down together and I have explained, the best I can, about what I am feeling and what I need from you. I need you to be there, to let me cry, to let me vent but most of all I just need you to keep loving me. I do not want to be treated different because I am no different to anyone else I am just going through a really hard time just now and I will come out the other end stronger than ever.

You know why I am this way just now and I am working through those issues one by one. Unfortunately one of the issues I can do absolutely nothing about and being honest I am still finding hard to accept. Anyone would though.

I want to thank you for everything you have done so far, even for not walking away when I scream at you. I know you feel I am blaming you but I am not.  This is no-ones fault it just is.

The hardest part for me was going to the doctor for medication. I still don't want to take it. To me I feel like I am letting everyone down, like I am admitting I am weak.

I will continue to take the medication. Not for me, but for you, the kids and my family.

Please give it time it will get better honestly it will and I will be the girl you feel in love with 5 years ago not the mess I am today.

I love you

Angela xxxxx