A letter to my husband.

Dear James

I am writing this to make things easier for you to understand. I know how hard all of this has been on you even though it seems like I am being selfish and only thinking about me,  That is not the case trust me.

Every day I wake up and feel nothing but guilt that I am putting you and the kids through this. I think to myself  what effect is this having on the kids? How does James really feel? What if my kids end up mad like me?

I cry myself to sleep a lot, when I go for those naps in the afternoon its not just because I am tired, sleep gives me an escape from the guilt I feel.

We have sat down together and I have explained, the best I can, about what I am feeling and what I need from you. I need you to be there, to let me cry, to let me vent but most of all I just need you to keep loving me. I do not want to be treated different because I am no different to anyone else I am just going through a really hard time just now and I will come out the other end stronger than ever.

You know why I am this way just now and I am working through those issues one by one. Unfortunately one of the issues I can do absolutely nothing about and being honest I am still finding hard to accept. Anyone would though.

I want to thank you for everything you have done so far, even for not walking away when I scream at you. I know you feel I am blaming you but I am not.  This is no-ones fault it just is.

The hardest part for me was going to the doctor for medication. I still don't want to take it. To me I feel like I am letting everyone down, like I am admitting I am weak.

I will continue to take the medication. Not for me, but for you, the kids and my family.

Please give it time it will get better honestly it will and I will be the girl you feel in love with 5 years ago not the mess I am today.

I love you

Angela xxxxx