So I decided to have a go at writing a blog. So what do you need to know about me?
My name is Angela, I live in Scotland UK. I am mummy to Liam (4) and Sophie (1) and wife of James.
The main thing I guess you should know about me is I have anxiety disorder. Does that make me crazy? I don't think so but others believe it does.
2006 is when it happened. I woke up one day went to work and had, what can only be described as a breakdown. Now I loved my job, absolutely loved it. I had a lot of responsibility but that wasn't what caused the "breakdown".
Lets just say I was in a "relationship" which had been fine at first but as time went on I was feeling more and more useless and he wanted to control pretty much every aspect of my life. He liked to tell me I needed to lose weight and would control what I ate when I was with him, he wanted my wages to go into his bank and he would give me pocket money from it, he would even phone me at work to make sure I was where I said I was and if I wasn't at my desk to answer the call he would bombard me with text messages instead. I could go on but I would be here all day.
So back to that day in 2006 when it came too much. My boss sent me to see the company nurse who made an appointment for my GP straight away. My mum came and got me, took me to the appointment and that's when I heard the words "you have anxiety, stress and depression" now let me tell you I was NOT depressed....stressed and anxious yes! I was signed off for 3 months and I was heartbroken. So I decided well if the GP said it then it must be true. I hid away at home, hardly saw the boyfriend, who by the way thought I was at it, didn't really talk to anyone apart from family.
It was a blur of counsellor appointments and support groups. The doctor was on at me to take antidepressants and I was having none of it..I was fighting this myself without the need for medication. It took a few months before I could actually go out without freaking and thinking everyone knew I was anxious. One day something clicked and I thought enough was enough I was in control not my anxiety.
I got stronger and my ex did not like that one little bit. He would say things like "you NEED me" "you CANT live without me" this was after I decided to go away for the day to the football without him and he didn't like it. He phoned and text constantly and I ignored him. I then went for a night out without him once and he was the exact same. That is when I realised I had to get rid of him.
I sat him down and told him I didn't want to be with him anymore...he started crying saying that he loved me (yeah right!) and that he needed me (hmm that wasn't what you said earlier) he then started having a panic attack and asked ME for HELP after he didn't want to know what I was going through, I walked away. He threatened to kill himself trying to guilt me into staying with him.
It was over and that was it, Time for me to get back on track and be happy.
March 2009 I met James, my now husband, and went on to have 2 gorgeous children together.
Yes anxiety still lingers and it may flare up every now and again but I don't let it get me down. I FIGHT it.
I control my life, anxiety does not.
My goal is to help others who have anxiety and other mental health issues be open and honest. Why hide it? There is nothing to be ashamed of. Just remember that!!