Saturday 20 December 2014

Glenn Merrilees Mental Health Poetry



On Friday my sister Claire shared a page she found and I was immediately drawn to it.  The page focuses on mental health but in a different way, through poetry.  The page is called Glenn Merrilees Mental Health Poetry.  Glenn's aim is simple, to raise awareness of mental health issues and the stigma and barriers surrounding them.  

Having read some of his work I asked him if he would mind me sharing some of his poems with my readers.  The words really do capture the issues faced by those with mental illnesses and I am sure we can all relate to what he has written.  Here is some of his work.

POEM AM I

I’VE SUNK TO THE BOTTOM
IN A PIT OF DESPAIR
SCREAMING FOR HELP
IS THERE NOBODY THERE.

COWERING IN TERROR
TREMBLING WITH FEAR
IT’S COLD AND IT’S DARK
AND IT’S LONELY DOWN HERE.

AFRAID OF A SHADOW
I CAN’T EVEN SEE
STUCK IN AN EDDY
THAT’S SWALLOWING ME.

AM I FREE AS AN EAGLE?
FOLK SAY I LOOK WELL
MY STOMACH IN TURMOIL
MY SOUL IN A CELL.

CAN’T ANSWER THE DOORBELL
CAN’T ANSWER THE PHONE
SURROUNDED BY LOVED ONES
I’M STILL ALL ALONE.

CAN’T EXPRESS FEELINGS
THAT CUT ME IN TWO
I TAKE PEN TO PAPER
THE BEST I CAN DO.

FAR TO MANY QUESTIONS
ANSWERS FAR TO FEW
NEVER LOOKING FORWARD
TEARS OBSCURE MY VIEW.

TRY TO STAGGER FORWARD
MY CRUCIFIX IN TOW
AM I GONNA MAKE IT
I HONESTLY DON’T KNOW.

DO NOT TREAT ME DIFFERENTLY
FOR I AM JUST THE SAME
THOUGH DEPRESSED AND ANXIOUS
PLEASE JUST USE MY NAME.
ALTHOUGH MY WORLD IS CLOUDED
MY THOUGHTS PERHAPS INANE
I’M A FELLOW HUMAN BEING
AND I AM NOT INSANE.

YES WE ALL CRY AND WE ALL BLEED
A FACT THAT’S SAD BUT TRUE
PERHAPS I CRY A LITTLE MORE

BUT I’M AS GOOD AS YOU.

DARKNESS

EMERGING FROM THE DARKNESS
I KNOW THIS SOUNDS ABSURD
COULD NOT EXPLAIN THE INNER PAIN
THROUGH ANY SPOKEN WORD.

DEPRESSION IT CAME CALLING
AND I COULD NOT EXPLAIN
HOW CAN YOU TELL A LOVED ONE
THAT YOU THINK YOU ARE INSANE.

DAYS JUST SITTING PONDERING
AS YOU BARELY LEAVE YOUR ROOM
STARE THROUGH THE TELEVISION
TOO MUCH DOOM AND GLOOM.

VERY SELDOM EATING
NO APPETITE TO SATE
A LOVER BRINGS A LOVELY MEAL
MOST LEFT ON THE PLATE.

VERY SELDOM TALKING
NOT A LOT TO SAY
A DISEASE THAT GETS MORE POWERFUL
EVERY SINGLE DAY.

IT STRIPS AWAY YOUR CONFIDENCE
IT TAKES AWAY YOUR FIGHT
SELF ESTEEM, IT POCKETS
LIKE SOME ROBBER IN THE NIGHT.

THERE’S NO MORE SOCIALISING
YOU STAY AT HOME INSTEAD
HOW CAN YOU MEET WITH LOVED ONE’S
WHEN YOU CAN’T GET OUT YOUR BED.

IT TAKES AWAY ALL ENERGY
YOU’LL NO LONGER HAVE A GOAL
AS IT RAVISHES YOUR BODY
AND FEASTS UPON YOUR SOUL.

SO IF THIS DARKNESS VISITS
AND TREATS YOU AS FAIR GAME
WATCH OUT FOR KILLER SYMPTOMS
DEPRESSION IS IT’S NAME.


STIGMA

I’VE BEEN STIGMATISED AND TRAUMATISED
THROUGH NO FAULT OF MY OWN
BESTOWED WITH DIRTY LABELS
FLESH RIPPED FAE THE BONE.

LOOK!!! HE’S AN EPILEPTIC
DEPRESSED AND LAZY TOO
NEVER WORKED A DAY IN YEARS
STILL SIGNING OAN THE BROO.

I WANT TO TELL MY STORY
I PROMISE YOU NO GAMES
I’LL GIVE TAE YOU THE DETAILS
BUT I’LL WITHOLD ALL THE NAMES.

THERE’S SOME JOABS I DID YEARS AGO
EPILEPSY SEALED MY FATE
SACKED FUR TAKIN’ SEIZURES
SACKED FUR RUNNING LATE.

RUNNIN’ LATE… I’D TOOK A SEIZURE
BLOODIED, ILL, AND SARE,
I’D TRY MY BEST TAE MAKE IT IN
BUT THEY DIDNAE SEEM TAE CARE.

APPLICATION FORM, NO MENTION
OF MY ILLNESS NO-ONE KNEW
NEVER WOULD HAVE GOAT THEY JOABS
THEY’D HAVE CHANGED THEIR POINT OF VIEW.

A GIFT… UNWANTED LABELS
MADMAN, WEIRDO, WORSE,
BUT REMEMBER I’M A VICTIM
DEPRESSIONS SICKLY CURSE.

I’VE BEEN STIGMATISED AND TRAUMATISED
FUR WHIT, I’VE DONE NO CRIME
LABELS THRUST UPON ME
NOO I’VE GOAT TAE SERVE THE TIME.

I’M A VICTIM, I’M A TARGET
DEPRESSIONS DEADLY CURSE
YER LOOKS, YER TWISTED WHISPERS
IT ONLY MAKES IT WORSE.

WE’VE GOAT TAE STOAP THIS STIGMA
WIPE IT OFF THE PLANETS FACE
WE’RE JUST PEOPLE WITH AN ILLNESS
PART OF THE HUMAN RACE.

“SEE ME”

I filled the application form
Full of trepidation
As it asked of mental illnesses
And further explanation.

The interview went brilliantly
The boss was on my side
Keep it to yourself son
But I’ve been on that ride.

That really made me wonder
The last few words he’d said
Some dirty little secret
Why should we be afraid?

The first few months were awesome
“I” was in the “TEAM”
It brought me back some confidence
And built my self-esteem.

Then suddenly it hit me
Bang!!! From out the blue
Someone let this tyre down
But at least this time, I knew.

I knew it was depression
Nowhere I could hide
The lack of hope, the uselessness
The thoughts of suicide.

Then began the stigma
With the days that I took off
Fight each day to leave my bed
Colleagues sit and scoff.

This would last for weeks and weeks
Or sometimes only days
Each victim hit uniquely
In so many different ways.

A resentment and a loathing
My colleagues words unkind
I couldn’t take it anymore
So unleashed this tortured mind.

“SEE ME” I’m just the same as you
I work to pay each bill
But every corner holds my name
The days off, when I’m ill.

I ask you not for sympathy
Understanding is the key
Drop the looks, the whispers
Step back and just “see me”.

“SEE ME” I am your equal
Work as hard as I am able
Both fighting for a common cause
Bread upon our table.

Depression, it is bad enough
Without the sideward views
Terrified each time I’m sick
In a job I just might lose.

“SEE ME” I’m just a victim
I am that one in four
And I really pray this illness

Shall never knock your door.


BARRIERS

There’s people throwing insults
There’s people throwing stones
You cannot see this illness
No sign of broken bones.

So many nasty comments
Remarks are so unkind
You cannot see this darkness
This poison in the mind.

Hey look!!! That guy is mental
A looney, what a waste
Your bitter, twisted comments
Leave an acrid taste.

Just remember I’m a victim
To this pain you cannot see
Depressions made a home in Hell
Especially for me.

Do not judge this cover
You simply have to look
I’m drowning in a sea of pain
Pages missing from this book.

Would you berate the lowly cripple
And call poor soul a name?
My illness has no crutches
Hang your head in shame.

The power to abuse me
The power to understand
The power to walk away from me
Or turn and take my hand.

I do not plead for sympathy
Understanding is the key
As without this murderous illness
You’re just the same as me.

Just show some understanding
And maybe lend your ears
Then maybe you could save a life
Or stem the flow of tears.

Breaking down the barriers
I try to change your view
One in four’s a victim
And the next one could be you.


What do you think of Glenn's poems? They really do get the message across very well and I can 100% relate to every single word in each poem.

Glenn also starred in a short film that won an international film award beating off competition from 110 other entrants.  You can watch Voices by Bob Owtram here http://vimeo.com/67566110

To read more of Glenn's work you can visit his Facebook page here https://www.facebook.com/pages/Glenn-Merrilees-Mental-Health-Poetry/283672088484406?pnref=story

I would like to thank Glenn for sharing his work with us and I will certainly be reading more of his work.

No comments:

Post a Comment