Agoraphobia

 

We all have fears. Heights, spiders, snakes and creepy crawlies. Some people have a fear of flying. For some people, like me, they have a fear of going outside. 

Ways To Educate Others On Mental Health

Today my local newspaper shared a video made by a local girl who was talking about anxiety and depression and the impact it has had on her life.  When I saw the video I didn't feel sorry for her, I felt rather proud and grateful that she spoke out about her experience.  I have thought about making a video of my own but I have never been brave enough and my voice annoys me haha. So I have came up with a list of ways in which we can all help educate others about mental health.

Anxiety's Eviction Notice 2015

In 2006 when I was first diagnosed with anxiety, I lost a lot of "friends" who had decided that I wasn't the same person anymore.  I would honestly love to know how they came to that conclusion.

Mental Health Wristbands

Earlier today I read a story that really angered me. A Tory PPC (parliamentary candidate for Cambridge) has suggested that those living with mental health conditions should be given wristbands indicating which condition they have.  

Depression In The Headlines.

As you have probably seen in the news, a plane carrying 150 crashed last week, tragically killing everyone on board.  I would like to send my love to those who lost their loved ones on that day.  The co-pilot was in control at the time the plane went down.  It is truly a tragic accident, yet some newspapers are claiming something unthinkable.

Children's Mental Health

We all know how mental health conditions affect adults and the impact it has on their lives, but what about children who are living with the same conditions?

Mental health update.

I received my Mind supporters magazine in the post today.  I like to keep up with the latest news and developments.  Coming straight from the charity I know I am getting the facts and  I don't really trust newspaper reports to keep me updated.  In today's issue I came across some news and statistics I wanted to share with you.

Seasonal Affective Disorder

Winter arrives and with it brings rain, gale force winds and snow.  It also means it gets darker earlier and we don't get as much sunlight as we do during spring and summer.  I have always felt a bit different when winter arrives but nothing that worries me as I am simply adjusting to the darker days and the temperatures.  For some, however, winter brings more than just horrible weather it also brings Seasonal Affective Disorder into their daily routine.

It's Not Right

Do I look any different? No

Recently I have read some things that have disgusted me and in a way upset me.  So many people are living with various menal health conditions yet people think it's ok to mock them and make them feel worthless. It's not right.

Helplines

Below is a list of various helplines I wanted to share with you all. Feel free to share with loved ones.

Glenn Merrilees Mental Health Poetry

On Friday my sister Claire shared a page she found and I was immediately drawn to it.  The page focuses on mental health but in a different way, through poetry.  The page is called Glenn Merrilees Mental Health Poetry.  Glenn's aim is simple, to raise awareness of mental health issues and the stigma and barriers surrounding them.  

Having read some of his work I asked him if he would mind me sharing some of his poems with my readers.  The words really do capture the issues faced by those with mental illnesses and I am sure we can all relate to what he has written.  Here is some of his work.

POEM AM I

I’VE SUNK TO THE BOTTOM

IN A PIT OF DESPAIR

SCREAMING FOR HELP

IS THERE NOBODY THERE.

COWERING IN TERROR

TREMBLING WITH FEAR

IT’S COLD AND IT’S DARK

AND IT’S LONELY DOWN HERE.

AFRAID OF A SHADOW

I CAN’T EVEN SEE

STUCK IN AN EDDY

THAT’S SWALLOWING ME.

AM I FREE AS AN EAGLE?

FOLK SAY I LOOK WELL

MY STOMACH IN TURMOIL

MY SOUL IN A CELL.

CAN’T ANSWER THE DOORBELL

CAN’T ANSWER THE PHONE

SURROUNDED BY LOVED ONES

I’M STILL ALL ALONE.

CAN’T EXPRESS FEELINGS

THAT CUT ME IN TWO

I TAKE PEN TO PAPER

THE BEST I CAN DO.

FAR TO MANY QUESTIONS

ANSWERS FAR TO FEW

NEVER LOOKING FORWARD

TEARS OBSCURE MY VIEW.

TRY TO STAGGER FORWARD

MY CRUCIFIX IN TOW

AM I GONNA MAKE IT

I HONESTLY DON’T KNOW.

DO NOT TREAT ME DIFFERENTLY

FOR I AM JUST THE SAME

THOUGH DEPRESSED AND ANXIOUS

PLEASE JUST USE MY NAME.

ALTHOUGH MY WORLD IS CLOUDED

MY THOUGHTS PERHAPS INANE

I’M A FELLOW HUMAN BEING

AND I AM NOT INSANE.

YES WE ALL CRY AND WE ALL BLEED

A FACT THAT’S SAD BUT TRUE

PERHAPS I CRY A LITTLE MORE

BUT I’M AS GOOD AS YOU.

DARKNESS

EMERGING FROM THE DARKNESS

I KNOW THIS SOUNDS ABSURD

COULD NOT EXPLAIN THE INNER PAIN

THROUGH ANY SPOKEN WORD.

DEPRESSION IT CAME CALLING

AND I COULD NOT EXPLAIN

HOW CAN YOU TELL A LOVED ONE

THAT YOU THINK YOU ARE INSANE.

DAYS JUST SITTING PONDERING

AS YOU BARELY LEAVE YOUR ROOM

STARE THROUGH THE TELEVISION

TOO MUCH DOOM AND GLOOM.

VERY SELDOM EATING

NO APPETITE TO SATE

A LOVER BRINGS A LOVELY MEAL

MOST LEFT ON THE PLATE.

VERY SELDOM TALKING

NOT A LOT TO SAY

A DISEASE THAT GETS MORE POWERFUL

EVERY SINGLE DAY.

IT STRIPS AWAY YOUR CONFIDENCE

IT TAKES AWAY YOUR FIGHT

SELF ESTEEM, IT POCKETS

LIKE SOME ROBBER IN THE NIGHT.

THERE’S NO MORE SOCIALISING

YOU STAY AT HOME INSTEAD

HOW CAN YOU MEET WITH LOVED ONE’S

WHEN YOU CAN’T GET OUT YOUR BED.

IT TAKES AWAY ALL ENERGY

YOU’LL NO LONGER HAVE A GOAL

AS IT RAVISHES YOUR BODY

AND FEASTS UPON YOUR SOUL.

SO IF THIS DARKNESS VISITS

AND TREATS YOU AS FAIR GAME

WATCH OUT FOR KILLER SYMPTOMS

DEPRESSION IS IT’S NAME.

STIGMA

I’VE BEEN STIGMATISED AND TRAUMATISED

THROUGH NO FAULT OF MY OWN

BESTOWED WITH DIRTY LABELS

FLESH RIPPED FAE THE BONE.

LOOK!!! HE’S AN EPILEPTIC

DEPRESSED AND LAZY TOO

NEVER WORKED A DAY IN YEARS

STILL SIGNING OAN THE BROO.

I WANT TO TELL MY STORY

I PROMISE YOU NO GAMES

I’LL GIVE TAE YOU THE DETAILS

BUT I’LL WITHOLD ALL THE NAMES.

THERE’S SOME JOABS I DID YEARS AGO

EPILEPSY SEALED MY FATE

SACKED FUR TAKIN’ SEIZURES

SACKED FUR RUNNING LATE.

RUNNIN’ LATE… I’D TOOK A SEIZURE

BLOODIED, ILL, AND SARE,

I’D TRY MY BEST TAE MAKE IT IN

BUT THEY DIDNAE SEEM TAE CARE.

APPLICATION FORM, NO MENTION

OF MY ILLNESS NO-ONE KNEW

NEVER WOULD HAVE GOAT THEY JOABS

THEY’D HAVE CHANGED THEIR POINT OF VIEW.

A GIFT… UNWANTED LABELS

MADMAN, WEIRDO, WORSE,

BUT REMEMBER I’M A VICTIM

DEPRESSIONS SICKLY CURSE.

I’VE BEEN STIGMATISED AND TRAUMATISED

FUR WHIT, I’VE DONE NO CRIME

LABELS THRUST UPON ME

NOO I’VE GOAT TAE SERVE THE TIME.

I’M A VICTIM, I’M A TARGET

DEPRESSIONS DEADLY CURSE

YER LOOKS, YER TWISTED WHISPERS

IT ONLY MAKES IT WORSE.

WE’VE GOAT TAE STOAP THIS STIGMA

WIPE IT OFF THE PLANETS FACE

WE’RE JUST PEOPLE WITH AN ILLNESS

PART OF THE HUMAN RACE.

“SEE ME”

I filled the application form

Full of trepidation

As it asked of mental illnesses

And further explanation.

The interview went brilliantly

The boss was on my side

Keep it to yourself son

But I’ve been on that ride.

That really made me wonder

The last few words he’d said

Some dirty little secret

Why should we be afraid?

The first few months were awesome

“I” was in the “TEAM”

It brought me back some confidence

And built my self-esteem.

Then suddenly it hit me

Bang!!! From out the blue

Someone let this tyre down

But at least this time, I knew.

I knew it was depression

Nowhere I could hide

The lack of hope, the uselessness

The thoughts of suicide.

Then began the stigma

With the days that I took off

Fight each day to leave my bed

Colleagues sit and scoff.

This would last for weeks and weeks

Or sometimes only days

Each victim hit uniquely

In so many different ways.

A resentment and a loathing

My colleagues words unkind

I couldn’t take it anymore

So unleashed this tortured mind.

“SEE ME” I’m just the same as you

I work to pay each bill

But every corner holds my name

The days off, when I’m ill.

I ask you not for sympathy

Understanding is the key

Drop the looks, the whispers

Step back and just “see me”.

“SEE ME” I am your equal

Work as hard as I am able

Both fighting for a common cause

Bread upon our table.

Depression, it is bad enough

Without the sideward views

Terrified each time I’m sick

In a job I just might lose.

“SEE ME” I’m just a victim

I am that one in four

And I really pray this illness

Shall never knock your door.

BARRIERS

There’s people throwing insults

There’s people throwing stones

You cannot see this illness

No sign of broken bones.

So many nasty comments

Remarks are so unkind

You cannot see this darkness

This poison in the mind.

Hey look!!! That guy is mental

A looney, what a waste

Your bitter, twisted comments

Leave an acrid taste.

Just remember I’m a victim

To this pain you cannot see

Depressions made a home in Hell

Especially for me.

Do not judge this cover

You simply have to look

I’m drowning in a sea of pain

Pages missing from this book.

Would you berate the lowly cripple

And call poor soul a name?

My illness has no crutches

Hang your head in shame.

The power to abuse me

The power to understand

The power to walk away from me

Or turn and take my hand.

I do not plead for sympathy

Understanding is the key

As without this murderous illness

You’re just the same as me.

Just show some understanding

And maybe lend your ears

Then maybe you could save a life

Or stem the flow of tears.

Breaking down the barriers

I try to change your view

One in four’s a victim

And the next one could be you.

What do you think of Glenn's poems? They really do get the message across very well and I can 100% relate to every single word in each poem.

Glenn also starred in a short film that won an international film award beating off competition from 110 other entrants.  You can watch Voices by Bob Owtram here http://vimeo.com/67566110

To read more of Glenn's work you can visit his Facebook page here https://www.facebook.com/pages/Glenn-Merrilees-Mental-Health-Poetry/283672088484406?pnref=story

I would like to thank Glenn for sharing his work with us and I will certainly be reading more of his work.

Pregnancy and mental health

When I first fell pregnant with my son in 2009 I was scared. Yes pregnancy is scary for every woman but I had the added fear of my anxiety rearing its ugly head again!  When I first met with my midwife I told her that I had suffered with anxiety in 2006 and she was so lovely at explaining that if it was to come back again I would get help from her. This put my mind at rest.

Here are some tips for dealing with mental health conditions when pregnant.

• Tell the midwife - they are there to help and support you no matter what.
• Speak to your doctor - if you are on medication they will tell you the best way forward
• Be honest. - You will be asked regularly about how you feel. Always be honest.
• Don't be scared - no-one will judge you
• Try stick to appointments - you may be having a bad day but the appointments are important and seeing the midwife will give you someone to speak to when feeling down.
• Ask for help - if you feel you need counselling ask, they will refer you.

When you have had your baby you will be emotional, it is normal. I cried both times, the baby blues, blame the hormones. If you have the following symptoms you may have depression

• feeling very sad and hopeless
• not sleeping well
• a lack of interest or pleasure in doing things 
• loss of appetite

If you have the above symptoms it is worth mentioning to your doctor, midwife or health visitor.

Another fear I had when pregnant was having postnatal depression.  I done my homework and knew the signs and symptoms.  If you have the following feelings and symptoms please tell your health visitor and/or doctor.

• feeling irritable and angry
• crying or often being on the verge of crying
• feeling unable to cope
• worrying unnecessarily about things that wouldn't normally bother you
• being afraid of being left alone with your baby
• uncontrollable feelings of panic
• overwhelming fears, for example fear of dying
• dreams about harming your baby
• sleeping problems
• feeling exhausted and lethargic
• lack of interest in your surroundings and appearance, or becoming obsessively tidy
• trouble concentrating and feeling distracted
• gaining or losing large amounts of weight
• loss of pleasure in activities you usually enjoy, including loss of libido (sex drive) 
• feelings of guilt that you're a bad mother

I advise you to see a health care professional as soon as possible if you have the above symptoms so you can get all the help and support you need. DO NOT feel ashamed or scared you are not alone!!

Having a baby is the most exciting, scary, emotional and amazing experience. Enjoy it.

For more information go to http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/pregnancy-and-baby/Pages/mental-health-problems-pregnant.aspx#close

BBC Free Speech

This week I recorded a show on BBC3 called Free Speech as they were having a discussion about Mental Health.  I am glad I watched it and to see so many people speak openly and honestly about their conditions and their views was amazing.

The show raised some very interesting questions, some of which I have noted down and will answer and I also heard a story which utterly shocked me.

One panelist, Jon Ronson, told us a rather shocking and utterly disturbing fact. In America, children as young as FOUR years old are being diagnosed as bipolar and prescribed anti-psychotic medications!!! Why? Simply because they are having temper tantrums.  I was in tears. How can anyone possibly diagnose a four year old child with such an illness when it is clear that in most cases the child is being like any other 4 year old.  My son has tantrums at times but I would never take him to the doctor and say "oh I think he has a mental illness" I would love to get hold of the parents and ask "are you having a laugh? you are OK with that?" Madness utter madness.

Moving swiftly on! Below I will answer some of the questions asked with my own views.  Please feel free to leave your answers in the comments section below this post.

Can you like your mental illness?

I did not like having anxiety. Not one bit. I 100% hated it. HOWEVER if it wasn't for anxiety I wouldn't be the person I am today and this blog would not exist.  I didn't like it but in a way it helped me deal with what was wrong in my life and re-evaluate what I wanted to do and what was really important to me.

Do doctors need more training in mental health?

YES. I feel that some doctors simply say "oh well here have some tablets bye" It is like they don't care but looking back it was down to them not having any real understanding.  More training needs to be given as many more people are going to their GP's with these conditions and need to be supported and given the right care and treatment. Not given medication and sent on their way,

Are doctors too quick to hand out antidepressants?

I think we all know my views on that already! Now don't get me wrong for some people these medications are a lifeline and really do help but on their own are they really the answer? Panelist MP Sarah Wollaston said that access to talking therapies should be greater and offered alongside medications.  I agree with her and she also said that these therapies work better for some than medications.  I am currently waiting for my first counselling appointment and cannot wait to get started.  Having someone to talk to, outside of family and friends, can be a massive help to people.  

Some other important points were raised during the show.  

Waiting times for access to counselling and other therapies are ridiculous.  You don't wait long for treatment with a physical illness so why do those with mental health conditions need to wait months and sometimes years?  They are looking to cut times down and I really do hope this happens as how many people are in desperate need and are high risk!

Education is key.  We need to teach children,  at high school age, about mental health. There is an emphasis on physical education so why not teach them about mental health too?  Maybe then this will reduce the stigma attached, raise awareness, get them talking and helping each other in time of need instead of bullying and laughing at people who are suffering.

What are your views?

Fundraising for Scottish Association for Mental Health

As you know I am very active in raising awareness, offering support and speaking out about my experience with mental health conditions.

I am hosting a small coffee morning on 22nd November which will be the first of many fundraising events I will be hosting over the next year for SAMH - Scottish Association for Mental Health

This is the first time I have held an event and I am excited and nervous.

I have a Just Giving page for those who would like to donate https://www.justgiving.com/angela-hamilton6

Thank you

World Mental Health Day 2014

Schizophrenia 

• 26 million people live with Schizophrenia

Today is mental health awareness day and the spotlight is on Schizophrenia.  Let me tell you about the signs and symptoms.

• Delusions - unusual beliefs
• Hallucinations - seeing things and/or hearing things that are not there
• behavioural changes 
• muddled thoughts - come from the hallucinations & delusional thoughts.

The exact causes are not known but some believe the following can be classed as a cause.

• Genetics - it can run in families, although this is not certain
• Pregnancy and birth complications

Triggers for those at risk from the condition

• Drug abuse
• Stress

If you or your loved one are showing signs of Schizophrenia please go to your doctor who will put you in touch with your local community mental health team and will also give you the support you need.

For more information please visit the following

http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/our-work/world-mental-health-day/world-mental-health-day-2014/

http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Schizophrenia/Pages/Introduction.aspx

http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/healthadvice/problemsdisorders/schizophrenia.aspx