Tuesday 27 May 2014

The truth about about my past.

April 2007 - I ended a 5 year relationship with my the guy I was with.  You may remember I mentioned him before. This was the best thing I could have done as I was no longer happy and after a year long battle to get me back to normal after mt first major bout of anxiety, I realised he was not the guy I thought he was.

He threatened to kill himself, started having panic attacks himself and asking me for support (he was not having panic attacks he faked it I later found out), said he was seeing a counsellor at work to make him a better person. He was trig everything to make me stay with him.

I knew I could not stay in that relationship but I could not get rid of him. There was only one thing I could do that I knew would work...This part I am not proud of although I done no wrong!

As he believed we were still together, we were not, I went with another guy. Like I say I am not proud but done no wrong either. I was desperate and this was my only way out.  Nothing else was working and I was scared being honest.

The first few years were OK I guess but when he went back to college and met a girl in his class it all changed. She would constantly phone and text his mobile, phone his house phone and talk to him on MSN. One conversation he left open while he went for a bath and I read it. "I'm not with Angela tonight not seeing her until tomorrow" to which she replied "good means i have you to myself, I miss you and can't wait to see you"

 I later found out he did go with her.

Anyway one day up in Aberdeen myself, the ex and the guy I went with were sitting together and the truth came out. The ex, as predicted, went mad and left me stranded in Aberdeen. I was happy that it was over or at least I thought it was.

I got a phone call from my dad. The ex had phoned him and told him

  • I had cheated on him
  • That I was a liar
  • That I had debt in THEIR name

I was in bits. I technically had NOT cheated on him. Liar I wouldn't think so! As for the debt in my parents name that was one massive massive lie that caused me so much trouble and hurt.

During our relationship he had started to become controlling. LONG before my anxiety appeared. This is some of the things he wanted or demanded.

  • My wages to go into his bank
  • he would give me an allowance every month
  • If we moved in together I had no say as to where
  • IF he wanted sex he was to get it 
  • He called me to check I was at work
  • If I did not answer the work phone he would text me umpteen times
  • He wanted me to leave my good job so he could look after me
Now I can tell you this, he did not get any of those demands!! No chance.

Now the other thing he told me parents was, I owed him £1000. SO NOT TRUE.  Yes he may have helped me a couple of times but the total did not amount to £1000 and he always got it back.  He told me this was for gifts he bought me during our relationship.  Yet I was to pay money out my wages every single month to pay him back. Yes I know why pay him back if this was the case, what choice did I have at that time after all the lies he told who would believe me?

Yes I know this was 7 years ago but it is still affecting me to this day in ways I can't say yet as that part I'm not ready to share.

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