Monday 28 July 2014

No Escape

When you have gone out with family or friends have you ever had an escape plan in your mind so you can get away if anxiety arises?  I have on many occasion.

Take Friday for example, I had money in my purse for a taxi and I also knew where my mum's car was parked in case I had to escape and calm down, luckily I did not need to that time but the plan was there.

I want to push myself and go somewhere that I cannot escape that easily.  My husband wants to take the children bowling and I love bowling but here is the thing. We need to get the train which means I cannot escape to a safe zone or get home quickly.  There is an hour between trains and the bus service is just as bad. We don't drive so I don't have a car to hide in.

I am not sure if I am ready to push myself that far yet but at same time I do not want to let my children and husband down,

My poor husband has suffered enough with my anxiety and insecurities.  I am so so scared that if I do not push myself I am going to put more pressure on him and hurt him even more than I already have.  My gorgeous children do not mind spending time with me wherever I want to be but I know they need out and about.  I am still a good mum I know that.

Tears are streaming down my face as I write this.  I just want to be the fun, happy and exciting woman I used to be, the one he fell in love with.


  1. ah hugs hun, one step at a time, why not go to a place one week/month then the follwing week or month take a anotherstep and go somehwere further , xxx

    1. that is what I want to do but I know i cant do it that way thought

  2. hmm im not sure x im sure your family understand xx